just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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