If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
