so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
