thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
