that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize