i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
