we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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