spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sarcasm needs its own font
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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