Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
