Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
