DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
