So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
