I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
