this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
