And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
