just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
