Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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