im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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