Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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