I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize