i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize