dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
