Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
