if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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