i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
