Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
