After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
