I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
