my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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