i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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