I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
