I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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