I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's just like the Real World with babies
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
FUCK WHALES
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
