Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
