i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
