she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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