Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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