You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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