I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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