The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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