mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
