is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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