My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
