I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
