I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
