My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
