Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Congratulations! We have a period
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
