I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
