You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
