so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
