He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
