I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dick very happy bro
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
