Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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