worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
