dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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