What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
