Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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