You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
