how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
