Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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