just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
