Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
