Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
