I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
