my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize