I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
