No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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