Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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