no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
